Halloween Traditions

Vintage Halloween Cover

Yikes I can’t believe it’s been two years since my last Halloween post, I feel like I’m in the confessional.  Halloween has always been my favorite time of the year.  Maybe because I’m a fall baby, or love dressing up, or perhaps it could be all that great free candy, but no matter what, I always feel so nostalgic during this time of the year.  When I was younger I used to make Halloween costumes with my best friend and we’d go around the neighborhood or to parties always trying to out do our previous costume.  My mom always made a huge pot of meatballs and spaghetti on Halloween, and after a fun night of trick-or-treating, my six siblings and I would come inside to a warm house that smelled of tradition and family.  I relished those moments every year.

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I’m the one on the right, clearly a homemade costume!

That's me in the baseball costume with my little brother.

That’s me in the baseball costume with my little brother.

When I moved to my first apartment in New York City, one of the first parties I ever threw was a Halloween party.  It was awesome, and everyone dressed up, and spilled out into the streets in their costumes.  But after that party, Halloween seemed to go into hibernation for awhile.  I didn’t throw, or go to any parties, I didn’t dress up for years it seemed.  Was I becoming a Halloween scrooge?  I hoped not.

Walk like an Egyptian.

Walk like an Egyptian.

But like all good things that come around again, I met my husband, and we started a family.  My oldest son was born in the fall, like me, and I couldn’t wait to dress him up for his first Halloween.  Secretly, I couldn’t wait to dress up again myself, and he was just a great excuse.  We spent our first Halloween back in my old neighborhood with my parents and my family.  Halloween was back online, and that pot of meatballs and spaghetti was back on the stove…I was home again.

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My husband and I eventually moved into a house of our own, in a neighborhood with tree lined driveways, and friendly faces.  My husband and I made new friends, in particular one couple who love Halloween as much as I do. They have been inviting us to their annual Halloween party for the past three years, and dressing up has never been more fun, especially since I’ve dragged my husband into it.

80's Rock!! 2013

80’s Rock!! 2013

Meet Morticia and Gomez 2014

Meet Morticia and Gomez 2014

Richard Simmons and Olivia Newton John 2015

Richard Simmons and Olivia Newton John 2015

My mom brings her big pot of meatballs and spaghetti to my house now, and my siblings come with their children to trick-or-treat around the neighborhood with their cousins.  I only hope that when they come home from trick-or-treating, and enter their warm house, with the smells of comfort and family, they relish these moments as much as I do.

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From this years Trump Family: Wishing everyone a safe and Happy Halloween!

Donald and Melania Trump 2016

Donald and Melania Trump 2016

 

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Happy Halloween!!

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When I was a kid the next best thing to getting free candy on Halloween, was planning my Halloween costume.  I loved dressing up.  It didn’t matter to me if my costume was store-bought or handmade; although I usually preferred to make my own.

In all the years of my youth, and into adulthood, I loved to imagine what or who I might be for Halloween.  But not once in all those years of planning did I ever think hmmmm… I think I want to be a slutty kitty for Halloween next year, or Nancy the Nasty Night Nurse, or perhaps Dorothy does Dallas.

What has happened to the innocence of Halloween?

You might remember my dilemma last year when my family was invited to a Halloween party and we wanted to go as The Wizard of Oz characters.  My daughter refused to be Dorothy, so I said I would.    Upon entering my big named costume store I found a somewhere over the rainbow wall of costume pictures and excitedly started my scan for blue gingham, ruby slippers, and a short titled costume named “Dorothy”, Instead I found a hybrid creation of Biergarten madam meets Country Ho, by the name of  “Kansas Cutie” mocking me from above.

Not Me

Not Me

I must have stared at that wall for 15 solid minutes thinking this must be some kind of mistake, when finally a pimply teenaged kid came up to me and said, “Do you need help ma’am?”  So I say to the kid, “I’m looking for the ‘regular’ Dorothy costume”, but he’s quick to tell me I’m out of luck; they are only selling the “Kansas Cutie”.  The fact that he called me ma’am should have been his first clue I wasn’t really the Kansas Cutie type, but I politely explained to him I was going to a family party, and didn’t think showing my ass every time I bent over to pick up one of my three children would be appropriate for this type of event.  His pimples burned red, as he tried to mumble out a few other suggestions, to which I just shook my head and walked away.

Almost every ladies costume on that wall of shame was the tramped up version of just about any costume you could possibly imagine: Temptress the tin (man), Robin check out my hood, Cleo-pat-my-ass-ra, Poca-my-hontas, Snow Whore and the Seven S.T.D.’s, Tickle-my Elmo, Good Cop/Bad Cop, Naughty Night Nurse, Horny Potter, Little Red Riding Ho, Fire pole Floozy, Wet for you Nemo, S&M Sailor, Astro-naughty, Hot Cross Buns, Alice in Wonderlust, and  Pirates booty…It was a Halloween porn casting call just waiting for us ladies to audition.

But if sexy ain’t your thang, then what’s left?  Why the evil, green-eyed, warted nosed, cackling, PMS’ing wicked bitch of the west, that’s what’s left.  Because as I’ve come to learn, ladies costumes are the dichotomy of who we are right?  Sexy whore or evil witch; at least that’s the message I’m receiving.

Then just when I didn’t think it could get any worse I saw this…

Sexy Hazmat Nurse

Sexy Hazmat Nurse. With all that skin showing she’s just asking for it…Ebola that is!

Who wouldn't want to be quarantined with someone wearing that??!!

Who wouldn’t want to be quarantined with someone wearing that??!!

Long pause…………………………….still taking it all in………………………BIGSIGH………………..

WTF???!!

Have we completely gone mad?   Lost our moral compass?  Forgot about family values?  We’re living in a Halloween version of Sodom and Gomorrah…if only there was just one righteous costume…just one!

Family values?  Sure they still exist.  I just had to dig a little bit deep…into my childhood.  Then it dawned on me… family values…Addams Family…Addams Family Values!!!  And Voila!

Meet Morticia and Gomez

Meet Morticia and Gomez

I love Halloween, and no sexy hazmat suit, or Kansas Cutie is going to break my spirit and keep me from finding a costume I can actually wear in front of my children. I’m thankful I still have a cast of characters from my past to inspire me, and help keep the innocence in Halloween.

A most Happy Halloween to all the ghosts, ghouls, and goblins haunting here today!!

And to all you Sexy, Slutty Mamas, and Hormone Laden Witches a Happy Halloween to you too!!

80's Rock!!

Last year’s costume       80’s Rock!!

A “Dirty Diana” I am not, I prefer to think of myself …”Like a Virgin…”.

Trick or Treat
smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
If you don’t
I don’t care
I’ll pull down your underwear!!

Happy Halloweensie!

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Halloween is my favorite holiday, so you can imagine my excitement when I discovered a little Halloween writing contest over at Susanna Leonard Hill’s website.  The Contest:  100 word Halloween story appropriate for children using the words: Creak, Broomstick, and Pumpkin.  Piece of candy right?

Hope my story is a delightful treat for you all, and not some terrible trick gone wrong.

Enjoy!!

Trick or Treat?

Clank, Clank, went the knocker

and C-r-e-a-k, went the floor,

“Ahhh!!” Screamed the children,

when she opened up the door.

*

Cackle, Cackle, went her voice,

and C-r-e-a-k, went the door,

“Ahhh!!” Screamed the children,

as her broomstick left the floor.

*

Clip, Clop, went her boot heels,

and C-r-e-a-k went the floor,

“Ahhh!!” Screamed the children,

as her broom began to soar.

*

Flicker, Flicker, went the light,

and C-r-e-a-k went the door,

“Ahh!!” Screamed the children ,

knocking pumpkins to the floor.

*

Pitter, Patter, went their feet,

and C-r-e-a-k, went the floor,

“Ahh!!” Screamed the children,

running, running, from the door!