Open Letter to NY Governor Hochul

October 1, 2021October 1, 2021jeanjames Leave a comment

Dear Governor Hochul,

My name is Jean MSN, RN, CPAN. I am a registered nurse with 33 years of clinical, research, and academic experience. I am well-read in scientific literature and understand deeply the concept of informed consent. On Tuesday, September 28th, 2021 I was fired from my nursing position in NY in violation of my right to informed consent regarding taking the COVID-19 vaccine. Your continuation of former, disgraced Governor Cuomo’s mandate that all healthcare workers receive the COVID-19 vaccine, or be terminated from their positions is a violation of my right to informed consent. Your willingness to replace NY state healthcare workers with the National Guard or foreign healthcare workers is an absolute disgrace. The current scientific literature does not support this mandate, as there are NO long-term data studies to defend the safety of the current COVID-19 vaccines available. As a NY state resident, taxpayer, and licensed professional I am formally requesting that you cease and desist from this unconstitutional vaccine mandate for healthcare workers.

In closing, as you smugly position yourself in front of the cameras vilifying the very healthcare workers who tirelessly cared for COVID-19 patients with no vaccine, limited PPE, and fear of dying or spreading this disease to their families, you stayed safe inside, protected in the comfort of your home, using zoom to remotely meet with your peers.

Just remember as you stand cocked on your dais, with your ambition and ego oozing from your pores, as you verbally assault us with the notion that we are all replaceable, I might remind you that the position you hold, that you inherited as a result of the venality of your predecessor, is equally as replaceable.

Jean MSN, RN, CPAN

A Thanksgiving Memory

November 26, 2020November 26, 2020jeanjames 8 Comments

This is my favorite Thanksgiving Memory. I post it every Thanksgiving to remind me of how truly thankful I am for all the wonderful people in my life!

This year I would like to dedicate this post to all of the nurses working so hard during this COVID-19 pandemic. I know there are stories of greatness that we will never hear, nurses who went above and beyond, like the nurse in this story. I know who you are, and I will never forget!

Vintage Thanksgiving Postcard

Dear Nursing Administrator,

Today I witnessed an act, which for the first time, made me grateful to have worked Thanksgiving Day. Before I explain, you need to understand a little background.

For the past month or so we have been caring for a nineteen year old-young man in room 419, who is slowly dying from lymphoma. Over this past month I have never looked after, nor been involved in this patient’s care. In fact, I didn’t even really pay attention. Why? I’m not sure. As charge nurse I was up to date on his name, age, room number and diagnosis. I knew his mom was a nurse and his father was a New York City Police Officer. I knew that one or both parents never left his bedside. I knew I found it extremely uncomfortable to participate in his case, what I didn’t know was why; I’m still not completely sure. Maybe it was his age, maybe it was because his parents were always there, maybe it was because I identified with this family on some level and steeled myself from getting involved. My apathy, or perhaps cowardice, found it helpful that their room was at the very end of our unit, so far removed from the nurse’s station, that their daily story played out on what seemed a far away stage.

Our unit is a twenty bed Cardiac Care Unit (CCU), not a hospice ward. I’m used to dealing with critically ill, older patients in cardiac distress. Even when those patient’s are terminally ill, I somehow rise to the occasion to support their crumbling family. But this boy, what was he doing here? What did I know of caring for a nineteen year old? Apparently there are cardiac complications that come from bone marrow transplants which led this boy to our unit, and subsequently into our lives.

So while my head was buried in the sand for the past month, there were several amazing nurses consistently caring for this patient. But today, Thanksgiving Day, I would soon come to find out just what I had been hiding from, because today I was assigned to care for this boy.

What had I been hiding from? His family was lovely; two devoted parents sitting vigil in their hopes and tears. His nurse mother was someone I could have easily seen myself working side by side with, and his NYPD dad, well, I must confess was a reminder of my own NYPD dad. But this boy of nineteen was so ill. His body reflected the disease that had stolen his youth and replaced it with the frame of an old man’s. Swaddled in blankets to fend off the cold, his face was the only piece of flesh I could see; though his eyes were pale and hollowed, a spark, still dimly lit, reflected back, and a smile slowly danced across his lips from time to time.

Room 419 was where this family would spend their last Thanksgiving together. No fancy table, no turkey, nothing to remind them of the holiday unfolding on most American tables that day. No, this room was the exact opposite. The only reminder of the outside world I could gather was the pile of soda cans collecting on the window sill.

Then lunchtime arrived, and with it came Emma, one of our nurses, (off duty that day), with a large bag in her arms, and a six-pack of soda in her hand, heading for room 419. As I went to greet her with a confused expression on my face, and a ,”What are you doing here on your day off?” She told me she was here to bring 419’s family Thanksgiving dinner before she was due to catch a train to her own Thanksgiving dinner. You see, while I was flying under the radar where this family was concerned, Emma was flying high; high on her morals, her faith, and her uncompromising dedication of what it means to be a nurse. There was no way she could sit down for her own Thanksgiving meal, without first and foremost providing one for this family she had grown so close to. What a special moment to witness.

Thanksgiving is such an American holiday. We all take pride in our heritage, our sophisticated menu’s, our high-end wine lists, alternately, we take such a twisted approach on sharing a meal with family we might not want to be sitting next to.

Ironically, Emma is not at all American, she is Filipino. But somehow, she, more than any American I know was able to take this holiday, and provide one family with the gift of thanks, when they probably felt too weak to feel anything but the life of their core slipping away. I know this family was truly thankful for this one gift, this one meal, that this one very special nurse provided for them on what would be their last Thanksgiving as a complete family.

: Vintage Thanksgiving Poem

I was thankful to have had the opportunity to witness grace in action. Several days later the boy in room 419 was granted his wish to go home to die. His parents complied, and forty-five minutes after being laid to rest in his own bed, that nineteen year old boy died on his own terms, in his own way.

I will never forget this Thanksgiving as long as I live. I am nominating Emma for the highest award we give to nurses in our hospital; The Daisy Award. I’m sure every Thanksgiving I will be reminded of this family and be truly grateful for all the wonderful people in my own life.

Sincerely,

Jean

I wrote that letter over ten years ago, and I have never forgotten the family from room 419, or the nurse who made their last days bearable. They make me thankful every year for the life I have, and the family I live it with.

Since that time I have become a mother myself. Losing a child, any age, is unfathomable to me; it was my understanding he was their only son.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, don’t sweat the small stuff. Who cares if the Turkey’s a little dry, or the company’s a little wet. Be thankful to be together with your family and friends.

I know I’ll be!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

The Hairbag Poet: Ode to Nurses

August 2, 2019August 2, 2019jeanjames 12 Comments

Hi and welcome to my Friday series The Hairbag Poet.

In the blogging world Fridays are known as Poetry Friday. You can read about Poetry Friday here. I will plan on posting The Hairbag Poet each Friday.

Poetry Friday roundup can be found at my juicy little universe here

You can read about the history of this series here.

Florence Nightingale ministering to soldiers at Scutari (Public Domain).

Over the past few months I have been readying myself for change. I finally finished grad school, earning my Master’s Degree in Nursing Education, and was offered a position to teach at a University not far from my home. Though I could not be happier about this new opportunity, I am also sad to be leaving my nurse friends in the PACU. I have been a bedside nurse for the past 30 years! It has been an amazing career, and I have been lucky enough to have worked with some of the smartest, funniest, kindest, crudest, caring, and craziest people I know.

I’ve decided to write this weeks poem, as an ode to nurses, in dedication to all the wonderful nurses I have had the honor to work beside.

An ode is “A formal, often ceremonious lyric poem that addresses and often celebrates a person, place, thing, or idea” (Poetry foundation, 2019). There are several styles of writing odes including: The Greek or Pindaric ode, Horatian odes, Sapphic odes, and English Romantic odes.

The Pindaric or Greek ode (552-442 B.C.E. from the poet Pindar), was a public poem set to music celebrating athletic victories (Poetry foundation, 2019). These poems contain three stanza formats: strophe, antistrophe, and epode. “In Greek drama, the strophe (turning) signified the first section of a choral ode, and was recited by the Chorus as it moved across the stage. The Chorus’s movement back to its original side was accompanied by the antistrophe. Finally, the Chorus stood still to chant the epode, the final section of the ode, which used a new metrical structure” (Poetry foundation, 2019).

I could relate to the Pindaric ode, because a 12 hour nursing shift trumps any olympic race, and when it’s over you relish in the glory of the finish line.

Ode to Nurses

A coven of angels
led by lighted lantern,
through dark humor,
we gather,
acutely aware of the subtleties of
life and death.

Dusk turns to Dawn,
and Dawn to Dusk,
with no witness
but each other
to the graveness
of our charges.

On our darkest days
we go home silent
to our families,
sharing those moments
only
with each other.

Camaraderie shared over
coffee and cocktails,
Our wins and losses
scored in our hearts
forever.

Now it’s on to University…

I hope you enjoy these posts. Thanks for stopping by and reading, and please feel free to post your own poetry in the comments if you feel inspired by the photographs. I always love reading other peoples perspective on “art”.

The Hairbag Poet

Madness Poetry Round 2

March 12, 2018jeanjames 5 Comments

Well I’m excited to announce that I made it to Round 2 in the March Madness Poetry Competition! Head on over here to read some great poems and place your vote! This has been such a fun experience; there are so many talented writers, and amazing poems to read.

via Madness Poetry Round 2 — THE NIGHTINGALE TALES

Madness Poetry

March 8, 2018jeanjames Leave a comment

via Madness Poetry

Nightingale Awards: The Oscars for Nurses

February 28, 2017jeanjames 4 Comments

The Nightingale Award

Last night the Academy Awards rolled out the red carpet, and the stars unfurled their loquacious tongues showering praise upon themselves, rivaled only by the hubris of Narcissus. While most people will be focused on the Best Picture mix-up between ‘La La Land’, and ‘Moonlight’, I was left breathless by this quote,

“I became an artist and thank God I did, because we are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life.” Viola Davis

My breathlessness was not one of awe and beauty at the arrangements of those 24 simple words, but more the gasping tightness of bronchiole constriction in desperate need of albuterol. Did she just say that? Are artists the only people who celebrate what it means to live a life?

This of course forced me to look back on my 30-year career and wonder if my profession celebrates what it means to live a life? Maybe without awards we lack the clarity to understand what it truly means to live a life. I thought perhaps we could review, and award what I consider the true meaning of living a life by the only standards I am familiar with.

To begin at the beginning of life seems appropriate to me, even though this beginning is not my profession, but my observation during the birth of my 3^rd child. My nurse coincidentally was the same nurse I had for the birth of my 2^nd child, and although we work at the same hospital, we are not friends, and we are worlds apart in our professions. I am a critical care nurse, she is a labor and delivery nurse, a profession I learned early on in my training, I couldn’t stomach. We started her shift together at 7a.m. I was induced, given an epidural, and despite the fact that this was my third baby, I was, IMHO, progressing slowly. 12 hours later I was finally ready to give birth, and my nurse was ready to go home. I wasn’t her only patient, but we had a great rapport. She had a family to go home to, and a long commute, but after she finished her shift report, she came back into my room to see me through my delivery. I felt honored that this nurse would work past her 12-hour day to help me deliver my baby. That is the true meaning of celebrating what it means to live a life.

When I worked in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit of a big city hospital I worked with a very special group of nurses. One in particular stood out to me on Thanksgiving Day when I ran into her in the hallway. I knew it was her day off. I was surprised and asked her what she was doing there. I found out she was bringing a 19 year old boy and his family Thanksgiving dinner. Remember it was her day off. That was the last Thanksgiving dinner this family shared together. The 19-year-old boy died the next day. That is the true meaning of celebrating what it means to live a life.

How many souls have I helped pass quietly onto the other side, and how many did I, not so quietly, fight to keep on this side? I have watched colleagues hold hands, shed tears, give hugs, grieve with family, and continue to walk tall, smile, and stay strong, carrying heavily the burdens of others piggybacked onto their own souls. That is the true meaning of celebrating what it means to live a life.

I’ve worked in many units including ICU, CCU, PACU, MICU, E.D., Med/Surg., Research, Burn Unit, and there are many that I have never stepped foot in like the PICU, SICU, NICU, TRAUMA, CTICU, and L&D, but we nurses have more that unite us than divide us no matter where we work. One common thread that gets us all through is our indelible sense of humor. Some would say it’s a sick sense of humor, I say it’s medicine for our souls. It carries us through when any other emotion would be crippling. We know when and how to use humor to protect ourselves, but also to protect our patients and their worried families to relieve anxiety. That is the true meaning of celebrating what it means to live a life.

So in honor of nurses and all healthcare professionals everywhere who don’t have grandiose award ceremonies, but do have a good sense of humor, I have decided to give out my own Nursing Oscars called The Nightingale Awards:

Our first category is best Costume Design. The Nominees are:

Grey’s Anatomy
Koi
Dansko
Cherokee

And the Nightingale goes to…Grey’s Anatomy. By far the most comfortable, diverse, and true to life costume that defines healthcare wear for the modern age. And they don’t make my butt look fat.

The next category is Best Sound Mixing that will drive you crazy. The Nominees are:

The IV pump
The bedside monitor
The PCA Pump
The Call Bell

And the best sound mixing that will drive you crazy Nightingale goes to…The Bedside Monitor. The plethora of alarm sounds generated from one machine can actually be heard in your dreams, while in a coma, after a 12-hour night shift, and even when you’re on vacation…amazing!

The Next Category is Best Nurse Impersonator. The Nominees are:

Kathy Bates as Annie Wilkes in ‘Misery’
Louise Fletcher as Nurse Ratched in ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’
Ben Stiller as Gaylord Focker in ‘Meet the Parents’
Caitriona Balfe as Claire Beauchamp Randall Fraser in the series ‘Outlander’

And the winner of the Best Nurse Impersonator Nightingale goes to…Kathy Bates as Annie Wilkes in ‘Misery’, because lets face it sometimes a sledgehammer does work better than 5mg of Ambien.

The Next Category is Best Original Nurse Story. The Nominees are:

Big City Nurse by Albert L. Quandt
Nurses are People by Lucy Agnes Hancock
Terror Stalks the Night Nurse by Blanche Y. Mosler
Sinners in White by Mike Avallone

The winner for Best Original Story Nightingale is…Sinners in White, by Mike Avallone. Why? Because you know who you are…

The Next Category is Best Team Member in a Supporting Role. The Nominees are:

IV Team
Dietician
Pharmacist
Physical Therapist
All of the Above

And the Nightingale for The Winner for Best Team Member in a Supporting Role goes to…All of the Above…We know these supporting roles are imperative to helping us do our job, plus lets face it if they go it’s just one more thing administration will ask nursing to do!

The Next Category is People we have to deal with in the Hospital in a Leading Role. The Nominees are:

That patient always on the call bell
The Supervisor who tells you you’re floating to the ED
The CEO quoted as saying, “Safe Staffing ratios is Fake News!”
All one million doctors working with us here in the USA.

The Nightingale for People we have to deal with in the Hospital in a Leading Role is…Yes of course it’s the one million doctors, sometimes we love them, sometimes we hate them, but we can’t take a verbal order without them! Did you really think I would pick anybody else…the patient constantly on the call bell?…yes definitely a close second!

The Next Category is Best Device in a Supporting Role. The Nominees are:

The Intra Aortic Balloon Pump
CVVHD
The Ventilator
Pressors

In the category of Best Device in a Supporting Role, the Nightingale goes to…The Ventilator! Airway is always first, and the Ventilator does a magnificent job supporting those who cannot support themselves.

The Next Category is The Most Helpful People in the Hospital in a Leading Role. The Nominees are:

The family member who insists their google search diagnosis is the correct one
The Pet Therapy Dog
Nurses…all 3 million of us (I’m including all my male nurse friends here too)
The Person who steals your lunch out of the break room refrigerator

The Nightingale for The Most Helpful People in the Hospital in a Leading Role proudly goes to…Yes of course all 3 million nurses! For their tireless dedication to patient care, long hours, weekend, night, and holiday work, tolerance of abusive administration, full bladders, empty stomachs, ability to drive in any weather condition, ability to work sick, ability to multitask while working sick, ability to lift weight beyond what was thought physically possible, ability to deal with completely mental people not including patients and families, and last but not least the ability to field phone calls from home from spouses who cannot find their underwear or the cat, and aren’t sure what they should cook for dinner. God Bless Nurses! And God Bless all the people Nurses work with!

Last but not least the Final Category is Best Picture: You Choose…try not to mess it up!

Night Nurse Warner Bros.

U.S. Nurses playing cards, reading, and relaxing circa 1918. U.S. Navy History and Heritage Command Photo.

Nurses showing worn out heels after a sixty day hike out of enemy territory!

Florence Nightingale attending the wounded in the Crimean War.

How Nurses feel.

Oh and when it comes to making mistakes, Hollywood gets to blame theirs on someone else, we however take full credit for our mistakes…then we lose our jobs, get sued, and commit suicide! So yes once again we are so aware, and fully cognizant of how to celebrate what it means to live a life!

Congratulations to all the Nightingale Award Winners!!

Broken

February 10, 2017February 7, 2017jeanjames 3 Comments

I work in the complex, convoluted, and often challenging American health care system. I strive to provide the best care to my patients. It is troubling to me when one of my loved ones enter this system, and are not met with those same standards. Our health care system is broken. Health care providers are expected to do more, with less, in the fastest amount of time possible. This hasty, fast-food approach to American health care is unhealthy, and unsustainable. We hear the nations cry of ‘health care for all’, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to good health care for all. It’s no wonder medical errors are the third leading cause of death in America today (Makary, and Daniel, 2016).

The piece I wrote below is my interpretation of the experience of a loved one struggling in this broken system.

The Broken Column, 1944 by Frida Kahlo

I woke up today in pain.

I reached out to you,

You didn’t see.

I continued to have pain.

I reached out to you,

You didn’t hear.

I was scared by this pain.

I reached out to you,

You didn’t speak.

I still have pain!

I reached out to someone else.

They saw me, they heard me, they spoke to me.

I was broken.

I reached out to you again to let you know,

Your apathy was palpable.

Perhaps it is not me that is broken…

Makary, M.A., Daniel, M. (2016). Medical error-the third leading cause of death in the US. BMJ 353:i2139

Halloweensie Winners

November 5, 2015jeanjames 2 Comments

Today on Susanna Leonard Hill’s website the winners were announced for the Halloweensie contest. I was honored to have made the final 13 this year with my entry “The Haunting”. Though I did not make the final cut, the fabulous entries, and their creative writers deserve to be recognized for their amazing Halloweensie stories. Congratulations to all the winners, honorable mentions and everyone who had the courage to put their work out there (I know for me that is the hardest part)! Now it’s on to the Holiday Contest…I can’t wait!!

P.S. A big thank you to Susanna Leonard Hill, (and her helpers), for her time, hard work, and enthusiasm for hosting these fabulous writing contests!!

A Letter to my Patient

January 8, 2015January 5, 2015jeanjames 9 Comments

I know you don’t know me, how could you, we met while you were unconscious, so there’s not much to go on except for what I see and hear as I go in and out of your room. I catch bits and pieces of you from your family’s conversations, their obvious grief and concern over your well-being. I am a complete stranger as far as your concerned, yet here I am caring for you in the most intimate way. Would you be embarrassed, annoyed…would you care at all? Can you hear me? Can you feel my touch?

As you lie there, I am like the ultimate puppeteer. Your tubes are my strings, and I carefully operate medicine, oxygen, and nutrition through the plastic lines running into your body all in a careful balance to bring you back to life. We spend twelve hours together, but you will never know me; even if you open your eyes, you will never remember me. I however, will always remember you. I take you home with me. I think about you in quiet moments. “Will you get better? Will you wake up?”

I have such a long list of things to do for you today. Your medication list is growing. You have an infection. Your lungs don’t look good. I must keep you asleep for another day to let you rest while your ventilator will continue to help you breathe. Your family is so nice.

I learned something about you today, and it made me laugh. Your friend stopped by. He was obviously distraught over your condition; he wanted to talk about you. I was so busy, but I stopped to listen to his stories. He told me you two were good friends, but that was obvious, then he told me you two smoked meat together. I was thinking “What??” He said you had a smoke house, and liked to smoke meat. I laughed out loud. Not because I was making fun of you, but in all my years I don’t think I ever met anyone with a hobby of smoking meat. I was intrigued, and amused all at the same time. I’m glad I stopped to talk to your friend. He misses you in the smoke house. He’s a nice guy, which makes me think you must be too. Now I really want you wake up. Your family is nice, your friend is nice, you are surrounded by good people.

Deep down though I know you are probably too sick to wake up. Your infection is worse, and your body is dying. I’m losing control of the strings. I’m sad to see you go. You will never know me; you will never remember me…I will always remember you.

In Honor of Our Veterans

November 11, 2014November 6, 2014jeanjames 5 Comments

When I picture the image of a wounded soldier lying bleeding on a battlefield somewhere, I know close by a nurse is waiting in nervous anticipation to come to his aid. I have always felt that nurses and soldiers go hand in hand throughout the history of war and peace. They compliment each other in a relationship that cannot be defined. I have never fought in a war, but I have spent time caring for our Veterans. They are a unique bunch of people who I have had the privilege of meeting.

Of course it was our founding sister, Florence Nightingale, who rose to stardom through her bravery caring for the wounded of the Crimean war. She set the stage for the war-time nurse, the lady with the light, going from soldier to soldier in the night caring for their wounds, reading them letters, or holding their hand as they passed from this world. I know there were plenty of Florence Nightingales before the Crimean War, and plenty after, but it was she, who truly made the soldiers bedside nurse someone to be proud of.

Florence Nightingale Courtesy of Asli Kutluay aslikutluay.com

I don’t think there’s anyone braver than a U.S. soldier. When this country goes to war, our men and women never falter. Time and again we have watched so many go off to war, and only some return. And even those that return are changed for life; whole on the outside, but somehow broken on the inside. As it is a soldiers duty to go to war, and obey commands, it must be our duty as citizens to honor their sacrifice and their service.

I spent four years in the early 1990’s working for a big university hospital as a research coordinator. During this time I was set up with an office in the Veterans Administration Hospital. The majority of my work would be conducted there. Upon entering the V.A. hospital I was greeted by security guards and asked to show my I.D., then I was shuffled through a subway turnstile type entrance into the main lobby. Past that first checkpoint, as I made my way to the elevator banks, I remember so clearly seeing a man with no face, literally a hole where his face should have been. I wasn’t sure how this person was able to get around, but quite clearly he was, I on the other hand was having some difficulty.

USAAF Flight Nurses in WWII. National Museum of the USAF

Russian nurse in a fox hole tending to a wounded soldier

My office was on the fourth floor, but my clinic was in the basement, along with all the outpatient clinics that veterans attended; anything from gulf war syndrome to sexual dysfunction. I felt like a fish out of water. Not only did I know nothing about conducting research, I knew even less about working and caring for veterans. As I slowly started to learn my way around this hospital with its rules and protocols, and constant stares, I also slowly started to learn my way around these men. What I found was a cast of characters more colorful than any rainbow, but as solid as the colors on the flag. I met men from just about every war, from WWII to Vietnam. Some were demolitions experts, some were prisoners of war, others had lost their way and ended up in prison, or living in S.R.O.’s (Single Room Occupancy Housing). But all had captured a piece of my heart. And as the patient load grew, my best friend came to work with me and soon discovered for herself what a crazy, mixed up world the V.A. hospital was.

Even though we were probably too young for the responsibilities of a research job, we were not lacking in our responsibilities to care for and do anything for our Vets. Kindness goes a long way, and that was one thing we could give unconditionally.

Like I said, nurses and soldiers go together both on and off the battlefield. There’s a certain grit that comes off a Veteran, it’s something I trust and admire. But then again it takes a certain grit to become a soldier in the first place.

So on this Veterans day this one nurse would like to thank all our soldiers who have sacrificed their time, their limbs, and their lives to support the freedoms that this country has provided for all of us!!

Thank You!!